I AM an addict. I have been my whole life, and I’m 62 now. For a while my addiction manifested as alcoholism. That really sucked. Alcohol is the worst and what makes it even more sinister is that it’s *everywhere.* I’m not a drinker anymore, thank god! One of the deeper issues I think you’re experiencing is that no one, NO ONE, has a good idea of what addiction *is.* Not AA, not the AMA, nor anyone in the recovery industry. Addiction is highly complex involving one’s physiology, psychology, and community.
I found that AA meetings only depressed me. The cure — for me — turned out to be community, and it was a long, tortuous journey to get there.
Love has no logic. That’s why people stay with addicts or abusers or whoever they know they shouldn’t be with.
I’m writing a piece on this right now. We know so much about the physiology of addiction, and almost nothing about the experience of the addict.
Addicts, addict’s mates or children or friends or anyone with their circle has to make a choice is this kind of addiction is something they can live with. Love makes that choice really hard.
Good luck on your journey, and…I hope you have sex again.